FAMILY NIGHT

Locker room cleanout day, aka exit interview day, is an ordeal for both players and media.

But at least one Jazz player livened it up a bit this year. Asked about the claim Utah has no nightlife, Joe Ingles quipped, “I’ve got 9-month-old twins. My nightlife finishes about 8 p.m."

Thanks for the quote, Joe.

Oh, and thanks for ruining the myth.

NOT A SUSPECT

Gordon Hayward missed most of a playoff game after getting food poisoning “from a sandwich place.”

It’s safe to say Cheesecake Factory isn’t a suspect, because Vince Young spent $260,000 eating there one season, and never once got sick.

A TEAM CALL

Word is Donald Trump is planning to fire spokesman Sean Spicer.

But if that happens, don’t expect the White House to call it a firing. It will be “exercising the team option” on his contract.

KING FOR A DAY

TV personality Steve Harvey issued a memo to his staff telling everyone not to pop in on him without an appointment. Among the revelations: He has a doorbell on his dressing room.

Otherwise known as the “King James Amenity.”

DA CLASSIC BEARS

Three Chicago Bears rookies go by the names “Baby Gronk,” “Mr. Biscuit” and “Chicken Salad.”

Catchy. But seriously, who’s ever going to be able to compete with “Bronko,” “Sweetness” and “The Fridge”?

CITY OF (SLOW) MOTION

Los Angeles wants to host the 2024 Olympics, and if that fails, it expects to go for 2028.

Sources say the four-year window will allow just enough time for officials to get home, repack, and drive back to LAX in time to make the next bid.

ABSENT ANYWAY

Southeast Missouri State's basketball team has been banned from postseason play next year for not meeting NCAA academic requirements.

Since the Redhawks have made exactly one Division I NCAA Tournament appearance, isn’t that like banning Nancy Pelosi from Trump’s after-party?

THE TYSON TYPE

The Seattle Seahawks drafted a University of Cincinnati defensive back named Mike Tyson last month.

The NFL rookie has handled many comparisons to the famous boxer, but by now admits he’s had an earful.

JUST BREATHE

San Antonio Star Monique Currie had words with New York’s Brittany Boyd in a game last week, but whatever was said took second place to Currie’s response in the locker room.

Asked by media how the conversation went, Currie said, “I couldn’t think straight because her breath was stinking.”

How’s that for setting up a defensive perimeter?